Past.

Sudden feel to post about random things so this post is gonna be REALLY random.

E492 

First thing on my mind right now is E492. I really miss them. People that I used to call my brothers and sisters are all strangers now. Well, except for Jeff, Waiyin, CH, Wei Kang, Philip, Kristie & Yong Jun I guess. But only staying in contact with 7 of them is just heartbreaking, seeing that there was more than 20 people in E492. And what's worst is I only regularly talk to Jeff, Philip and Kristie. The other 4 are just once in a long while. Even though it has been about 1 year + since E492 divided/disband, I often catch myself thinking about them. Thinking of the times we would goof around during service and during fellowship really makes me miss them more ): But the thing that breaks my heart the most is when I realised how much we've all drifted - to the point of strangers. Remembered one incident clearly when I was out and I saw B.chai. We stared at each other for a few seconds and both of us looked away together. I really, really felt like crying there and then. That brother that I really respect and admire a lot - We're strangers now. Everytime i walk past anybody that used to be from E492, I can't help but feel sad. I know I'm supposed to have moved on by now but it's still hard for me.. I miss you guys. And I hope that we'll one day be able to get together again. 有缘再见 I guess. :/ 

That someone 

Another thing on my mind right now is, who else but him. -____- I'm getting pissed at myself for still thinking of him. Well, for those that I've never shared this before with, he was someone special to me. From the day we first met, we immediately had this unexplainable connection. Since that day, we're constantly texting each other. Being able to meet him was something I look forward to the most every single time and when we met, it'll be the best of time together. We chat about almost anything and everything and we never had an awkward moment when we'll run out of things to talk about. Knowing that I love the song "Taken", he would sing to me softly beside me. And also knowing that I like long bus rides, he would accompany me to take 162 back to amk (which is a super long bus ride). Either that, we'll be just talking about our future while looking at the stars. We were actually so close that everybody in our clique thought that we'll be together one day. So imagine their surprise, and mine, when one day he just suddenly disappear. From the clique and from my life. Just gone. Days, weeks and months after that were hell for me. After so long, I finally knew the reason why he left and no, I ain't gonna share it here. We've only talked once after that day when he left the clique. I still miss him. Everytime I walk pass where we used to hang out, everytime I listen to Taken, everytime I see cute couples, everytime I take long bus rides, he'll always be on my mind. I'm happy to say I've moved on but I can't deny that I still think of him and I still miss him. I just want him back - but as a friend. I really miss you, PTCW. I really do. But wherever you are in life right now, I wish and genuinely want you to be happy. Remember our promise okay, to never be too sad, to never get angry at God and to never give up in life :') 

My past  

Well, I'm not gonna exactly discuss about my past here but rather, how I'm suffering because of my past. Well, there are a lot of things affecting me now because of my past but one of the few things that affected me the most is probably my sleep disorders. I have absolutely no problem fall asleep. The hard part is staying asleep. Every single night, without fail, I'll wake up in the middle of the night. I have no idea why but it happens every single night, without fail, and has been going on for years. It affects me quite badly because I'll end up feeling very tired during the day or nearing the end of the day. Many people suggested that I went to see a psychologist because they think that I have some psychology problem. But that's also one of my problem, I can't open up to people as easily as other people. I just can't. I've never actually shared everything about myself to anybody. Not even Jeffrey. The only One that knows everything about me is probably God, haha. But I just can't help it. I keep pushing people away from me even though I need them the most. Building walls is just part of what I do. It's the one thing I'm good at but not proud of. It's a part of me and it's a part of me that I wish someone would destroy.


Well, I'm gonna stop now. Thinking about all these is really tiring me out.. Post again though I'm not sure when that will be again. 

Friends.

Just a short post on my few good friends (;

CINDY.
Nothing much to blog bout her. The one that stayed by my side through thick or thin, highs and lows. Stayed when everybody else was leaving. My counselor, companion, friend, buddy, life-long friend, life-changing buddy. My wingless angle. :) And i really thank God for her. :) Love her so so much. And i can see her still in my life years down the road. And i can see her still in my life when we get old together. My closest friend, companion, buddy and my wingless angel. I love you dearest. (:

RACHEL. 
My character-clashing buddy. Love her to bits. Don't have the perfect friendship but every memories, every moments are perfect. Always laughing and joking around with her. Always encouraging me and pushing me forward in life, especially in my studies. Even if i gave up and sleep, she'll wake me up and ask me to do. Never-ending thanks to God for placing her in my life. Even if we don't end up spending our whole entire life together as best of friends (which i doubt actually ), I really thank God for you and i really thank you for always tolerating this bull temper of mine and for tolerating my shits. HAHAS! I love you girlfriend. (:

JEFFREY.
My closest guy friend EVER. Stayed with me through thick and thin. Knows almost all of my secrets. He knows the most actually. We may not be as close as before but you don't have to stay in contact with your friend every day and every second to know that they are still you BEST friend. Love how we can never get awkward with each other no matter how long we don't talk. Eternal thanks to God for placing you in my life. And thank you, for staying with me. No matter how unreasonable i get sometimes, you still tolerated me and stayed with me. Thank you for that. I will never forget you nor whatever you've done for me. Can't imagine where i will be in life right now if not for you. BIGGEST thanks to you for changing me. Bringing me back to the right path again and again and never giving up on me no matter how many times i went back to the old ways. Thank you. I love you. :)

NAOMI.
I'm jealous of your name. SO COOL CAN. ): HAHA. Anyway, we may not be the closest but i really thank you for being such a great and amazing friend. Thanks for always tolerating my shits, again and again. HEHE. Really glad i can be me when i'm with you. Never running out of topics to talk about with you. And i know i can trust you. Thanks for gaining my trust haha. Hope to become closer friends with you. Going out more often and knowing each other better. :) Can't wait till the next time we go out again! ^^ Thanking God for such an amazing friend like you and thank you for being my friend. Love you sis! (:


Shall blog again soon i guess. Adios for now (:

"The circumstances of ones birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are." ~ Mewtwo, The Pokemon Movie.