Sunday, April 20, 2014


Date: 20/04/2014 
Day: Sunday
Time: 1:57AM
Weather: HOT 
Mood: Tired :(
Music: Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood (Max & Alyson Stoner cover) 

I miss my old, close friends. Friends like Jeffrey Ler and Cindy. I miss them two especially. 

Many of you guys actually asked me what happened between me and Jeffrey and I'll either explain roughly or said it's a long story. Well, what exactly happened was his current girlfriend was jealous of our friendship and wanted him to contact me lesser. Only that we don't even talk to each other everyday. In one month, the maximum days we talked to each other straight is only 7-10 days and after that, we\ll stop talking for about 1-2 weeks before talking again. So tell me, how is that A LOT? -.- But apparently, it is, in her logic. Ok so whatever. I didn't even make him choose between me and her but ah well, since things have gotten to this stage, I couldn't care less anymore. Y'know, it's not about how close our friendship is or that he isn't worth it, but it's just that the disappointment of it is just.. made me kind of don't give a damn about it. I still miss him as a brother and friend. After all, he is the only person in this world that I used to trust fully, and even with my life. But of course, I wouldn't trust him with my life now. I mean, what if in the future I trust him with my life in a life-threatening situation and he suddenly just goes off with his girlfriend? H a h a. Ha. 

Cindy, I would say, is just a sad case. As much as I want to deny that we aren't drifting apart, it's just so obvious. We used to text ALL THE TIME, EVERYDAY. And now? I can't even remember the last time we texted. It's just sad because we used to be so close, even though we don't meet everyday. We only meet max once in 1 month, sometimes even lesser and yet we can be so close. Nothing happened between us, no quarrels, nothing. We just kind of... Drifted. And there's nothing much I can say to this. 

Whenever I think of Jeffrey or Cindy, I just feel.... sad. Both of them are people I trusted the most in the whole entire world. They're both people I turn to first if any thing ever happened in my life. They were my refuge, my comforter, my help in times of need, my adviser when I'm in need of advice, my source of happiness, joy & love, my family, my best friend. But now, I don't even know if they're my friends or acquaintances.. I really miss them though, I really do. 

I'm just so tired of always being the one initiating and starting convos. Sometimes, I keep telling myself that I should just stop initiating and be without them cos if they really treasure me as friends, they'll put in some, if not equal, amount of effort. But I know, deep down in my heart, that if I ever stop initiating, I'll lose some of my friends. And I really don't want that to happen. 

So currently, I'm studying in a school I never thought I will study in - ITE. I tell you, the feeling of passing Os but not being able to enter poly is equally as bad, if not worse, as compared to failing Os. It's like, you should be able to go poly cos you passed Os, but you can't because you screwed up one of your subjects. And yes, as many of you guessed, I screwed up my math. Well, it was kind of expected even before I sat for my math O paper but still, when I received my results, I was really sad. Devastated. I cried like WOAH. Friends that saw me crying was shocked. But people didn't expect me to cry. No, people expect me to be strong. And so, I did. I stopped myself from crying and sucked it up. I deserved it. But anyway, back to ITE. I came into ITE with the stereotypical mentality that ITE has no hardworking students or that it is filled with students that just want to play but boy was I wrong. My class proved me wrong and changed my mentality. My classmates are awesome. They're hardworking but knows how to enjoy at the same time. I'm starting to become so attached to them even though it's less then a month. Looking forward to the next 2 years in ITE with them. And if you were to ask me now, I can tell you that NO, I have no regrets coming into ITE. I mean, I definitely still regret not studying and working harder for my Os, but I have no regrets coming in here. In fact, I'm loving it here. At least I'm doing/studying what I love and what I have passion in, as compared to students that goes into some course in poly just for the sake of going poly. I'm loving it here. :) 

Okay I'm getting real tired now. Full day ahead. So bye. 

Date: 20/04/2014 
Day: Thursday 
Time: 2.35AM 
Weather: STILL HOT 
Mood: Bored. TIRED. :( 
Music: Avicii - Wake Me Up