Damn eff-ing tired of all these things now. Am very very very tired. Things start to change for the worst since 2009. How i wish i was just a toddler with no worries. He said i have something in my heart that i just can't give up on, which caused an "emotional" problem for me. Which is why i keep waking up everytime in the middle of the night, since near the year-end of 2009. He said that i need to give up, it's no use getting troubled over those things anymore. What is gone, is gone. No use clinging to that hope that someday it will return, that it will changed to be better. I really want to give up. Not only that thing, but other things that is making me damn stressed right now. But i just can't. I can't run away from problems like these. They'll just come back. I can't even talk about my feelings to anyone anymore. I know i can't keep my feelings and thoughts bottled up anymore. But i just can't seem to share or tell them to anyone. I'm really damn stressed over these things. I really am. I really, really don't know what to do right now. I keep telling myself not to cry over these things cos it's no use. If i cry, will these things be alright? No. So there's no use crying. But sometimes, i just can't stop myself. I just keep clinging to that small hope that things will change for the better soon, but i guess that i've become blind and can't see that hope anymore. I just gotta be strong. Be immune to these problems. Cannot give in to sadness. Be "cold-hearted" i guess.